Duel of the Artists
by yinyang64
Summary: A very frustrated Deidara wants to go off and capture the Kyubi in order to prove to the Akatsuki that he's better than Itachi. But, what happens when he runs into Sai along the way?
1. Chapter 1: Yet Another Meeting

My first fic EVER, that I got an idea for. Takes place after Sai and Sasuke Arc, before Hidan and Kakzu arc.

Note: I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto-sensei does.

* * *

**Ch 1: Yet Another Meeting...**

The Akatsuki gathers in a dark cave after sealing the five tailed bijuu... Their holograms elegantly stand on each of the malevolent statue's fingers. What could be going on now?

"Itachi..." came the disapointed voice of Pein the Akatsuki Leader. "I'm growing tired of your failure to capture the Kyuubi. If this jinchuriki is too hard for I can assign you a different one."

The Uchia killer looked at Leader-sama's hologram. "No Leader-sama I can easily take on the boy...Its just that Naruto has too many of weird friends."

"DAMN YOU MAITO GAI!!!" came the angry voice of Kisame Hosigake.

"I warmed you not to underestimate him."

"Ha! Perhaps someone more capable needs to be assigned to the Kyuubi's capture un." a familar irritating voice rang out.

"You think you can do better Deidara?" Itachi's cold glare turned to the artistic bomber. "Naruto is a very annoying character...And you have a short temper." Itachi warned him.

"And what are you saying un?"

Itachi grinned for a minute, then said "Don't blow yourself up."

"Shut up un!!!" the bomber fumed.

"Are you sure Sempai? We already did our work...Why go out for more?" Deidara's orange masked apprentice asked.

Deidara turned to Tobi with a smirk. If he could capture that Kyuubi brat, then he could surpass Itachi and those stupid swirly eyes of his! Oh it'd be wonderful...Deidara said nothing to Tobi except "C'mon Tobi un!" his hologram faded followed by an

"Oh man!" from the childish member as he faded out too.

After the meeting back in Amergakure, Pein shook his head back and forth several times laughing a bit.

"Was it a good idea to dispatch Deidara Pein-sama?" Konan asked the Leader.

Pein shrugged. "It will give him something to do until he's needed after the Hidan and Kakuzu Arc. Besides we won't die. Not until much later on."

"I beg your pardon?" Konan asked sounding confused.

"Umm nothing. Lets go to bed." he said quickly covering up what he knew.

Konan blushed and nodded.

Somewhere in the Cloud Village, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Zetsu were returning to the Fire Country.

"Like seriously...Deidara thinks he can win. Wanna bet on it Kakuzu?" The Jashinist turned the treasuer of the Akatsuki.

"And risk loosing my money? Shut up Hidan."

Zetsu sighed as he glanced at them. "Deidara may be over his head...**If we hurry up we can watch the comedy unfold!**" he burrowed underground away from the zombie brothers of the Akatsuki.

It just so happened during this day in Konoha, a certain genitaila obsessed Anbu was making his way through the forest. So was the mad bomber and the noob of the Akatsuki.

The trip between the artist and his fanboy went something like this: "Are we there yet?" "No un." "Are we there yet?" "No un." "Are we there yet?" "No un." "Are we there..." an explosion occured then suddenly silence.

Through the forest bordering konoha, it just so happened that a certain genitalia obsessed artist was making his rounds.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2: To Konha

**Chapter 2: To Konoha!**

The two Akatsuki members make their way to seal the jinchuriki. "Are we there yet?".

Sai sat down up against a tree in the forest that laid before the Hidden Leaf Village. He took out his sketch book and started to draw the beautiful forest surroundings. He looked up to see two figures approaching. They were dressed rather oddly. Wearing black cloaks with red clouds, covered with straw hats. One wore an orange swirly mask and the other had his hair much like that Ino girl from his village. Most people would know to avoid these two with caution since they were members of the mysterious Akatsuki organization. However Sai, saw them as "friend" rather than foe.

"_Remember what you read Sai...Be nice to people to establish a good bond.._." "Hello." he said smiling as he waved at the two Akatsuki members.

"Hi!" Tobi said waving back at the Anbu.

Deidara said nothing but thought: "_Oh great...A local...un_"

"I'm Sai. And welcome to Konoha! Before you enter, would you two like to see my picture book?"

"Yes!" Tobi said joyishly and ran over as Sai pointed to pictures and explained to the good boy about each one. Deidara just folded his arms in disgust.

They came to a rather odd picture. Tobi looked confused as he saw it. He'd never seen anything like it before. "Sai-kun..What exactly am I looking at?"

Sai giggled. "That my friend is a penis."

Tobi looked curiously at his sempai. "Deidara-sempai whats a penis?"

Deidara gave them a disgusted look. He then just started to walk away.

Sai got up and began undoing his pants. "This is a peni..."

"Thats engouh un! Put your damn pants back on ya freak!" Deidara interuppted. "Tobi were heading to the village un! And your art sucks! This is true art un!" Deidara made a small clay bird and threw in the air as it exploded.

Tobi immediatly got up and followed after them. "Coming Sempai!"

His art sucked? Thats it... Sai had tried being friendly. He even showed them his picture book. Now the Anbu was going to unleash every insult from his bag of tricks. He'd say just about any penis joke under the sun and call them ugly til the cows came home. "Hey blondie!' he called out as Deidara turned around shooting Sai a galre. "Don't be jealous because you don't have one." he said giving one of his fake smilies.

Deidara turned bright red and yelled out "What did you say?!"

"Ha I knew you were a girl! But damn, your ugly." Sai took out a paper bag that had two eye holes. "You could learn a lesson from your friend." he said gesturing to Tobi.

Deidara growled. The bomber was becoming impatient. Oh how Itachi would love to see him now, but the Uchiha was right. The locals were weird. "First off I'm a guy un! And I have a penis!!"

Sai laughed. "Can I see it?" "No!!!"

Suddenly a clay spider landed on Sai's face and latched. "Krasu!" the blonde artist yelled as it detonated. "Ha what a wimp un!" There was a black where Sai once stood. Deidara curiously walked over to it and touched it. "_Ink?_"

"SEMPAI LOOK OUT!"

Suddenly, a lion like creature swiped at Deidara's back giving him a wound on the mad bomber's backside. Sai stood there with his scroll and ink brush. "Don't be jealous because you lost your masculinity." Sai stated glaring at Deidara. "And by the way..." he said giving a trade mark smile.

"Your art sucks."


	3. Duel of the Artists, un!

**Chapter 3: Duel Of The Artists, un!**

"Oh and by the way blondie..." Sai said with a smile. "Your art sucks and I doubt you have a penis."

Deidara turned red again as he jumped from another swipe of the inky lion creature Sai had created. "Thats it...This is the most irritating person on earth un!" Deidara reached into his satchel and formed a clayball into his hand as a mouth opened up.

Sai saw this and was alittle surprised. Several perverted thought danced throughout the anbu's sick little. He then bursted out laughing, and tried to keep himself from falling onto the ground. "You must have one hell of a time pleasuring yourself."

Deidara glared again as he rushed at the Anbu. "Shove this in your penis un! My C-2!" he said as an enormous clay dragon appeared behind its master.

Tobi perked his head up. "Should I use it now Sempai?" Deidara nodded as Tobi gathered the bombs out of the dragons bomb and ran off somewhere.

Sai was in awe at the sight off this. "Your compensating...I knew it. That dragon's huge!" he said drawing a bird on his scroll and took off on t.

Deidara hopped ontop of his dragon and took to the skies as well while cursing like a sailor and Sai's comment.

The small argument now evolved into an all out war. The clay dragon's mouth opened up and a bomb hurled towards Sai. He paniced and drew several more birds to hop onto in order to evade Deidara's blasts.

"Semapi!" Tobi said with a wave. Deidara smirked and unleashed more bombs from the dragons to shoot at Sai. Then while he was falling detonanted the land mines. "Got ya un!"

Deidara stood ontop of his dragon when a letter fell into his hand. It read: _Dear girlyman, Don't look down. Love Sai._

Deidara looked around and looked seeing Sai on a bird made from ink waving at him. The blonde then looked in horror as there were ink mice all over his beloved art! That waswhen he realized there were exploding tags on them. How ironic that Deidara would ge caught in an explo... BANG!

Sai looked up at fireworks and smilied. Thats when an angry Deidara jumped down across from him. "Die un!' he charged at him delivering a punch knoking Sai back into a section offorest that wasn't destroyed. Saidissolved into ink as Deidara looked around him to seean eerie sight. He saw many Sai clone's giving that stupid smile him. They seemed to be emerging from a piece of paper on a tree. Deidara ran through the forest seeing many holes on trees and Sai's everywhere holding out their picture book. It also didn't help that they were all chanting "penis." Perhaps Itachi was right? No...No way!

Deidara reached int his clay satchel and yelled out "Engough! Its time for C-3! un" and with thathe shoved a massive amount of clay into his mouth. The blonde artist began expanding until he was fatter than Chouji. His cheeks puffed up, and every part of grew. "Art is a bang!" A huge explosion took out the whole section of the forest Sai had booby trapped. Deidara lay in a crater in the ground surrounded by a waste land.

The forest was nearly destroyed as Deidara with no chakra leftlay down looking up at the sky. Hefelt very pleased with himself and very exhausted. "My art won...un..." he said.

Or so he thought?!


	4. The Finale

**Sai vs Dei: Conclusion!**

Okay everybody here comes the grand finale!

A very exhausted Deidara lies on the ground panting heavily. The bomber won...Or did he?!

Deidara looked up at the sky. He slowly shut his eyes with a smirk feeling very pleased. He opened his eyes and looked up in horror.

"YOU!!" Sai was looming over him giving that ridiculous smile. "How did you? Impossible!" Deidara said trying to get up.

"Simple..." Said said. "When you detonated everything I teleported out of there and grabed some food, and then came back. Then I used Kanashibari no Jutsu on you while you resting."

Deidara frowned. "How the hell did you manage that?"

"To be honset...I don't know." he said smiling more taking an ink brush out of a jar marked permanent. "

What are you gonna do?!" "

Teach you lesson." the anbu said with a smirk. "First to end all this gender confusion." he said drawing a moustache on Deidara face. "And now for the clencher." He lifted up his head band and wrote: I don't have a penis!

Deidara was horrified as he screamed out "TOBI!! Help meeeee!! Itachi-san you were right! Everyone in this village are freaks!"

Suddenly two sharingun eyes appeared over him. "72 hours are up as of now Itachi-san." At this point Deidara was mortified. What the hell was going on. The artist shut his eyes and saw nothing, but darkness.

A loud obnoxious laughter broke the silence. "Wow Itachi-san..You got sempai good!"

Deidara woke up looking around. All the other Akatsuki members were around him and in a laughing fit. Itachi stood there with a smug look on his face.

"Perhaps Itachi was right Deidara. You aren't ready for Konoha, yet." Pein said to him. Deidara fumed out of the hideout until he could hear the laughter no more.

"How dare that Itachi and those shitty eyes of his un!" he fumed until he came near a brook. He washed his face and took of his head band. He was shocked of what was under it. It was what the young Anbu had wrote.

"What?! I do too have a penis un!" Deidara just fainted.

"This whole fight...Was it an illusion or something real?" Sai said with a smirk stepping out from a bush where Deidara lay unconcious.

"Well you can be the judge of that." And with that the Anbu retreated to Konoha to finish his drawings.

THE END?!


End file.
